Tuesday, September 11, 2012

Pity, Party of 1

I've been struggling for a few days to write this post.  And I've been feeling frustrated for a few days.  Coincidence?  Definitely not.  I really try to do my best while blogging to give a real, true-to-life accounting of how it is to live with CMT, but to do it without complaining too much.  I'm having a hard time with that right now.

To be honest, there are days when I don't give a lot of thought to having CMT.  I've been dealing with it for so long, and for the most part have learned how to navigate life (that's another post...coming soon!) without too much thought.  I go about my days, taking care of my family, trying to keep up with housework, and try my best to go to bed each night feeling good about what I accomplished that day.

But then there are those days.  The dark, hard, emotional, painful days.  And they usually start out like any normal day.  Then something happens, usually a small something, and then the domino effect starts.  Suddenly everything becomes more difficult, more emotional, and more painful.  I become filled with feelings of bitterness, self-doubt, and frustration.  It's hard to function and carry out all of my daily responsibilities while feeling weighed down by all of that negativity.

It's easy to sink down into that deep pit of unhappiness, and sometimes it's even easy to stay there and wallow for a while.  I've had some frustrating things happening the past few days, that have me right on the verge of knocking that row of dominoes over.  And they've been things that I'm sure every CMT-er goes through....insurance frustrations, treatment questions, constant pain, and even more seemingly frivolous things like not being able to find some fashionable shoes.

Lucky for me, I have a great support system.  My husband has been right at my side with encouraging and supportive words.  My kids have been ready and waiting with helpful hearts and snuggles.  And one of my besties and my sister have been willing to get me out of the house to get my mind off things.  I am so grateful for these people, who probably don't realize how often they save me!

I do my best not to let my CMT define me.  Some days it's easier than others.  This world is filled with so many ups and downs, and it's completely unpredictable.  I believe that it's okay to feel down and out at times, because everyone does, and because that's the reality of this disease....it's hard.  And that's okay.  I just have to keep reminding myself that I am strong, and that with the help of those around me, I can be stronger than this disease.

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